Searching for my soul’s purpose-yes, since my early 20’s. Alas, I was in a very low spot which included self-sabotaging, self-medicating and being self absorbed, I sought refuge in all things–exercise, long beach walks, going to a monastery to learn contemplative prayer, past life regression, the journey into the Akashic records, a mountain treks in Peru, a month in Italy while trying not to drink the wine, silent retreats, clothing optional venues with an artistic twist and anything else to “feel no pain”. I scoured out all sorts of what other’s called “mystic, woo-woo, over-the-top spiritual seeking out-there indulgences” and only to find that my higher self, through source, God as was unfolding within me and leading me on my life’s biggest adventure.-GLIMMER OF HOPE!
So I did a geographical change—I moved from what I would call the Den of Iniquity (Key West). I had heard that one could always try changing people, places & things in their quest for Hope and spiritual growth. And one of the things tugging at my endlessly searching soul, was my feelings of unworthiness. So, in another effort to seek help, about 5 years ago, I had a conversation with a woman on a Saturday morning wherein I asked for a Catholics’ perspective and what God’s Grace meant to her. She told me her story of wanting to die, wandering into the woods on a freezing winter night, passed out on a bench being lost and awaking to 3 dogs curling around her. She realized that they were her saving grace and furry angels. After that story, I knew that I could no longer sit at my pity party of one, awaiting all great things to bestow my table. I was beginning to get a little perspective on what could be God’s grace. WOW-that was a SPARKLE OF REAL HOPE.
It was about this time that I fully stepped into my self-titled job as Life Adventurist. I decided that I didn’t like being my alter-ego “Aprilina” anymore….and through this continuing self-discovery journey, there was the thought of self-forgiveness, and knowing that I still had a great desire to levitate,—-I had a BIGGER FLICKER OF HOPE.
It only took 3 decades of trial and error; but, I knew deep down, that by starting with trying to love others that self-love would come. By accepting God’s grace, as I finally understood it, I now had a shining chance at finding my purpose. I could be a leading light. I could be that philanthropist. I was to give unselfishly, and do for others in some way and to live each day to my fullest bright light potential –in this lifetime.
Thank You God!